Monthly Archives: July 2017
Taking care of your own needs and wants is the way to connection or maintaining connection, and a re-acquaintance with our authentic self. Getting to know our authentic self involves responding to our physical and emotional needs. Even if it means going out of our way amidst demands in our regular everyday lives.
The boost of self-focus and self-care can give almost immediate clarity. If it doesn’t, we just need to allow the time to let the guilt, self-consciousness, or discomfort that can be triggered by self-interest fade away. It will. It does. Every time. And what is underneath is what is real.
Don’t let feelings of inconvenience or obligation or discomfort change or challenge your self-care plan. Decide to do it. And carry through, regardless. You’ll transform. Quickly or slowly. But you will transform. And so will everything and everyone around you.
Today I noticed very clearly all of a sudden that when I am feeling rejected or lonely or unloved I can turn for a feeling of self-worth to my school work. I was getting home from helping a friend and then journaling about a tenant issue and as soon as I drove my bike into the driveway I realized that my mind went right to getting on the computer and grading papers… For the feeling of accomplishing something. I am actually super sleepy and super down and wanted to make myself work with the understanding that THAT would give me cred.
Then as I was going into the house I think I thought of a couple of other ‘to-do’ type things that I would normally revert to as well…things that I learned at a young age would give me attention or a feeling of there being a point to me being here.
I journaled this morning about the fact that I am absolutely terrified to display a sense of self-worth. To defend my self worth, my feelings, my experiences, my needs, my quality of life. That is what paralyzes me… Which is why I am also paralyzed by someone being angry with me… I don’t think that I have a leg to stand on because what I feel or think or do, or the reasons why I feel or think or do something are not worth anything to anyone else.
And the scary truth is…that that is true.
So, when I came in the house, and when I looked at the mess that is my place…I actually just plugged my phone in and laid down on the bed. Because the thing I needed most was rest.