The Self Conference Inauguration
There are three parts of me who all need to participate in my everyday happiness. Little me, who is my emotional presence, Outer me, who is my ungrounded presence, and Adult me, who oversees and should direct activity in everyday life, but in my case she defers to Outer me.
It is my decision at this point to conference among these three parts of me consistently throughout each day, to keep in touch with how they are and remind me/us what the direction is that we want to go in and how we want to get there.
Little me is feeling: tired, disappointed, hesitant, doubtful, but still hopeful for fun.
Outer me already started to do things besides top lines this morning, before I could stop her. She went thinking and online searching etc. etc. And she is acting on Little’s fear that I am not going to get things done. Out er can’t do the big decision-making jos so she just does all of the menial time-filler jobs that Adult can do but leaves to her.
Adult feels some clarity but as usual is hesitant to run things. She feels like it is a burden to manage these two others. She feels like Little’s needs are too big for her. She feels like her feelings are SO important and she is not the one to respond to them… for some reason. She feels like Outer can get by without her. She is lazy for some reason. She is afraid to be loving. She is afraid to make the effort.
For the next couple of hours though, I will consider how.
How to respond to Little’s feelings.
How to make decisions about the day that ease anxiety and give Outer something else to do. Or give her a break to just be herself.
How to keep Adult interested in running things. How to keep her feeling like there is progress. Like she can keep the momentum going. Like she can feel a downhill feeling. Like ‘it’s all downhill from here!’. hehe