Neglect and My Personal (Feminine) Essence.
- Experience: someone I allowed close to me showed 100% absence of consideration, meanness…and I was forced (felt forced) to swallow it. It has felt gross. Like poop inside me. A rotten wound. And when I have looked for the wound to make it stop, it floats away deeper, elsewhere, making me chase it, while I feel more an more sorry for myself and more and more unloved by that person.
- The Radiance In Me That Was Dimmed: Innocence. My beautiful rose-coloured glasses, splatted with mud, shit. I was assaulted for believing in good. I was insulted, ridiculed, humiliated. Made to feel lower than low.
- The Need I Had At That Moment: I needed a shield. A beautiful shield. I needed the belief, a pure, natural, unuprootable reality inside me, in my heart, in my body, in my tissues, that they were a joke, a test, a gaff, a show, that was going on in someone else’s theatre, not mine. I needed to know that I was in a safe place that no one could drag me out of, that no one could make me believe I had left, that no one could see and therefor no one could enter. I needed to believe who I was. And not be convinced otherwise.
- 3 Things I Do Today, or Tomorrow to Express My True Feminine Essence (Innocence): 1 – buy, wear an amazing dress 2 – get my hair done 3 – show my radiant innocence to the world.