What are the most important things to me right now?
- Getting a job.
- Developing my business of teaching yoga, personal coaching (making money at those things.)
- Writing down everything that I feel strongly about, everything that I am figuring out and realizing from day to day and even hour to hour.
- Getting physically fit.
What does my typical day look like?
- I don’t set an alarm (because I am afraid I will not have gotten to sleep early enough to get sleep)
- I wake up in dread, usually between 730 and 9. I don’t get out of bed right away because I feel like I am just here to ‘work’ for shit and I don’t look forward to anything fun or happy.
- when I do get up I drink water, feed the cat and do some exercise (yoga or stretching). I usually get into browsing youtube for silly stuff instead of doing yoga from one of my favorite videos and then shutting off the tv.
- After often a couple of hours I eat breakfast and get washed up.
- I might start ‘working’ on something by late morning or early afternoon, at which time I feel like I’ve already failed in my day.
- I hunker down to write something or work on finding a job and
- each task takes me at least 3 times longer than I expected, or
- I find it impossible to keep from trying to work on 3 or 4 to-do’s at once.
- Once I’ve gotten myself buried, without focus, in one or a bunch of things I begin to feel tired (eyes) and uncomfortable from sitting in front of the computer.
- then I feel too ashamed to go outside and be human because I have made myself so unhappy.
- I check my calendar here and there to see what I have knocked off my list of to-do’s.
- I think about fun things to do to celebrate any accomplishments of the day, but my inside police make me reduce my ideas to something smaller and smaller until I do nothing fun. I procrastinate about having fun…
Bleh. I’ll have to look back it this post later because I can feel how I really wrote myself into a depressing hole.
I have a Hot Stone Yoga webpage to write…So, I’ll grab a bite to eat and do that next. Phew.
Posted on February 6, 2016, in 12-step, Addiction, Adult Children, Alanon, Balance, codependence, dark daze, emotional sobriety, health, Inner child, Parenting, recovery, Relationship, Self-Care, Uncategorized, withdrawal. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.