Ever Heard Of…


Shenpa?

It’s the feeling you get, the state of mind you’re in when you just…can’t…stop worried about something…obsessing over something…trying to change something so much that you forget where you are, you forget to breathe, you forget that you have other things going on.

Wow, I’m I learning much more what types of things Hook me like that. I don’t like to learn those things about myself. I mean, it’s shocking how much I can be at the mercy of reactivity. Even when I’m miles away from the alcoholics or triggering people in my life.

But it is definitely a huge step in the right direction. A huge leap of progress. As long as I can recognize those crazy moments I know that there is another way to experience, feel about, and respond to my own emotions and worries.

Today I got caught up, like I almost completely disappeared in thoughts that someone was lying to me, manipulating me… And also, in response to another situation, thoughts that I had screwed something up and could control someone’s response by saying or doing something (or something different.

I’ve felt the tidal wave come over me like that a couple of times in the last couple of weeks, and I sat there, for hours, just feeling like I was floundering, helpless…like the more I struggled, the deeper I sunk…and then was so tired and felt so…hopeless.

But I listened to a retreat talk this past week, and late this morning a few things rose to the surface of my consciousness… 1) notice shenpa 2) bring yourself to do something different or unrelated… It’s a state of mind.

So doing something different helps me stand back. Breathe. Helps me stand up after a tidal wave in what is really 1 foot of water, not 10 feet.

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About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on December 7, 2015, in Addiction, Adult Children, codependence, emotional sobriety, Inner child, Meditation, Outer Child, Parenting, recovery, Relationship, Uncategorized, withdrawal. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I like your article. Always a great reminder about getting carried away.

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