My Unconcious Definition of Love

I have been living this out for decades and not realizing it. Over and over again. My actions are coming clearer, my motivations, my mistakes, my self-sabotage.

I have gone into relationships with the understanding that another person’s need for or awe of me will change an unconscious understanding that I am here by mistake. The other person always seems to see something in me that will change their negative inner self concept too… But for me, most importantly, I take someone’s fascination with me, ‘attraction’ to me as a sign…and almost an unconscious contract that they will commit to loving me in a way that will correct or break a “spell”. The spell that has had me trapped in a constant, never ending, broken record kind of search for freedom from the understanding that I was a mistake and had to suffer through that, forever.

What if I don’t see people’s reactions to me through that lens anymore?

What happens if I am moving along without the understanding that I need to be saved from feeling like I am extraneous, of less value, dispensable?

What if I don’t have those underlying fears, feelings or sensations any more?


About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on October 21, 2015, in 12-step, AA, Addiction, Adult Children, Alanon, codependence, emotional abuse, emotional sobriety, Inner child, physical abuse, recovery, Relationship, Uncategorized, withdrawal. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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