Potential Energy: Pent Up Fear and Anger
I’ve been attempting to do a lot of ’emotional releasing’ lately (ie. see Sedona Method and EFT or Tapping). And i have been exploring approaches to being with the feelings before I release them. Relasing feelings, for me, is not as challenging as recognizing, feeling and being with them before the release.
Last night I started reading The Presence Process by Michael Brown and the way he explains ‘being present’ gives me more comfort to move forward. But it also allowed me to come into contact with a feeling this morning that I felt clenched by. It is a feeling of blind ferocious rage I think, but I have perhaps never actually expressed it. I think I kind if froze when I reached it, like you’d expect yourself to freeze in a dark room or hallway when you encountered the scariest figure you’ve ever encountered.
The feeling is a monster of irateness, that I can only describe as having an obscene amount of potential energy.
“Potential energy is any form of energy that has stored potential that can be put to future use.”
The thing is, I am floored by the prospect of how that energy will/would manifest itself.
I encountered that monster as I was discovering this feeling of having been contained as a child. Everything about me except my ability to behave was shut down by my parents. And so the desire to explode is decades old and feels like it comes with a lot of fury and firey-ness. Fury is a great word actually.
So, with a feeling of trepidation and fear and uncertainty I went looking for the scientific properties of “potential energy” to see if I could come across any clues as to what to do in the face of this huge bunch of live feelings that I see sitting on a proverbial shelf.
The answers to such questions are always more simple than we expect… Even with such ‘weighty’ things.
I found a simple sample description of what potential energy means:
“For example, a stone resting on the edge of a cliff has potential energy due to its position in the earth’s gravitational field. If it falls, the force of gravity (which is equal to the stone’s weight; see gravitation) will act on it until it strikes the ground…”
So, if “Potential energy is the capacity for doing work that a body possesses because of its position or condition”, I can get an idea of what it will be like for my feelings of fury to express themselves based on how ‘heavy’ they are and based on how long it will be before they reach a point of transformation (see yesterday’s post with the link to following feelings).
So, it is the uncertainty and lack of knowledge and control I have over the expression of these feelings that has left me very uneasy this morning. I’d rather not feel that fear of uncertainty and just move on, but I know that avoidance is what has allowed them fury to sit there on the shelf. And it certainly doesn’t lessen in potential energy as it sits there. So, I think I’ll be sitting here with it a little longer…patiently paying close attention to the sensations I have and waiting for it to fall off the shelf and transform.
The things info know are that the feelings are dense and hot and alive and sparky. So, I have some idea of how they will ‘fall’… What I don’t know is how long it will take. I can only accept that they will transform at a moment that I will not expect and can not know. But they will transform…
Posted on August 12, 2015, in 12-step, Addiction, Adult Children, Alanon, codependence, Domestic Violence, emotional abuse, emotional sobriety, Inner child, Meditation, physical abuse, recovery, Relationship, Uncategorized, withdrawal. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.