As my own friend…What Do I Think about what I am telling myself…?
How do I love thee…? No, I mean how do I love mee…? 😉
The other day, I was asking my slaa sponsor about how I know what my purpose is here? At this moment my life feels like a barren stormy land. Without signposts, landmarks, even oases… And I am used to finding comfort by being of use to someone else. When I know I am needed, I know I am something. Someone. The reason I know that I operate that way is because I am not in a/my/the relationship right now and I have no understanding of how to get satisfaction, peace, calm, contentment… What do I have to be happy about?
When I asked my sponsor about feeling that I can’t access happiness unless I have ‘done something’ for it, she said, try to shift to being my own friend and ask myself what I would say in response if I was my own friend. I ended up going to the mirror, looking myself in the face and saying “Karrie, I feel as though I don’t deserve to be happy unless I earn my happiness someohow…what do you say to that?” And my response to myself was – “that’s kind of mean, Karrie, to tell yourself that you can not be happy until you do something to deserve it… How ‘not nice’ is that?! You don’t need to believe that…!”
Wow, to hear myself defend me… I haven’t really truly done that…and in the mirror the experience was powerful…because I really felt like I was communicating with myself… It was such a nice feeling to me ‘behind me’.