Today’s Appointment: I have ground to stand on.
I’ve been going to therapy sessions every single week since last summer I think. It’s amazing, doing it every week with the exception of over the Christmas holidays.
That’s pretty extraordinary! Going to therapist to talk about things that you’re scared to talk about. To try to talk about things that you didn’t know how to talk about. To try and explore feelings nephew impossible to manage and sometimes even identify.
I don’t treat myself well. I don’t even give myself credit for all of this work. A few times in the past number of weeks or even months, I’ve noticed that I can look back on my weeks and that I actually feel proud of myself. I can look at myself as someone I like, and who takes responsibility for her feelings, and is trying not to blame other people or circumstances for the situation she’s in. I can feel the person in myself eventually being able to be free.
This morning my therapist asked how he felt over the holidays, when we could meet for three or four weeks. I told her that I felt like I had to hold my breath.I told her that my sessions Jim’s self-care. Evidence that I was a worthy person. That over the holidays i felt destitute.
Well talking to her this morning, I realize that I put a lot more focus on the things that I do that I feel are failures, struggles, or desperate.I don’t put much focus on the moments that I really value myself I put a lot of focus of the moments that I sacrifice myself sacrifice my well-being my health, my self-care my affection for myself. The moments were actually care for myself, I pretend those arenot as important to focus on. Like a machine and then, but I like their unsafe moments to share, or do put me in harms way.
But the ways that I take care of myself, try to be honest with myself, they are actually the pillars, of my life. Every single day. And they are the proof.