Today’s Appointment: I have ground to stand on.

I’ve been going to therapy sessions every single week since last summer I think. It’s amazing, doing it every week with the exception of over the Christmas holidays.

That’s pretty extraordinary! Going to therapist to talk about things that you’re scared to talk about. To try to talk about things that you didn’t know how to talk about. To try and explore feelings nephew impossible to manage and sometimes even identify.

I don’t treat myself well. I don’t even give myself credit for all of this work. A few times in the past number of weeks or even months, I’ve noticed that I can look back on my weeks and that I actually feel proud of myself. I can look at myself as someone I like, and who takes responsibility for her feelings, and is trying not to blame other people or circumstances for the situation she’s in. I can feel the person in myself eventually being able to be free.

This morning my therapist asked how he felt over the holidays, when we could meet for three or four weeks. I told her that I felt like I had to hold my breath.I told her that my sessions Jim’s self-care. Evidence that I was a worthy person. That over the holidays i felt destitute.

Well talking to her this morning, I realize that I put a lot more focus on the things that I do that I feel are failures, struggles, or desperate.I don’t put much focus on the moments that I really value myself I put a lot of focus of the moments that I sacrifice myself sacrifice my well-being my health, my self-care my affection for myself. The moments were actually care for myself, I pretend those arenot as important to focus on. Like a machine and then, but I like their unsafe moments to share, or do put me in harms way.

But the ways that I take care of myself, try to be honest with myself, they are actually the pillars, of my life. Every single day. And they are the proof.


About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on January 19, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I am soooo proud of you and hope you realize that just making the effort to go and being consistent is a HUGE accomplishment. I hope you are giving yourself all the credit you deserve for this. That is taking care of you ! That is an effort and a big one at that. The only times I have ever done this is when I was made to as a part of “treatment” and I did benefit from it. I am working on more self discipline and you are a great example to others. Keep up the great work !

    • Thank you, Loving Life! It is easy to hear the self stigmatizing when it comes to going to therapist. But I feel less and less concerned about what all of the critics might think. 🙂
      The foundation it’s giving me, not on it’s own mind you, is really one of self value, defeating self-doubt, and giving kind and patient attention to my….fears and crazies…
      And I finally have a therapist, who I think is more on the same level with me, then anyone seen in the past.

      Above all, it feels nice to have a repertoire of self-exploration under my belt. No One could ever possibly pick me apart criticize me you seemed of me, be scared of my unconscious patterns, as much as I have been, as much as I Can be. I’m getting closer and closer to being in charge of who I think I am, how lovable I am, how useful I am, how cowardly I am sometimes, how valuable I am, how talented i am, how unpleasant I might be sometimes. I’m getting closer and closer to being in charge of my own self concept, and of the lovely receive give. of the lovely gift to myself.

    • Thank you again, by the way. It’s a pleasure to get to know another fellow traveler.-hug-

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