1 + 1 = 1… No, 2.
As i’m learning to practice self-care and to feel self-esteem and self-value I am accumulating some comfort with giving to myself and noticing that it is possible to boost myself and not ‘pay’ for it with others around me.
But that’s a big thing for me. ‘Taking’ time and effort for myself and feeling some sense of doom that there are going to be consequences…
At my counsellor’s today I realized that giving myself the time and energy I give others is only one of the ways I going to accumulate a sense of self worth and contentment is to be truthful with myself and with others about my feelings. The problem is that there is even more of a stigma in my mind attached to telling others the truth about how I feel, especially the people that I have closest to me at any moment in my life.
The people I have chosen to be with have often if not constantly taken my truth and turned it into ‘criticism’ of them. They didnt hear my feelings or how I was experiencing them. The situation turned into me 1) sharing what I think and how I feel, which is an incredibly scary choice to make, and 2) feeling obligated to make THEM feel better because of how bad they felt after hearing me share my feelings.
And now, the two are one in the same. I need to learn how to separate others’ experiences of my truth from the intentions if have for being honest about how I feel.
Posted on October 1, 2014, in 12-step, AA, Addiction, Adult Children, Alanon, codependence, emotional abuse, emotional sobriety, Inner child, recovery, Relationship, withdrawal. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.