Afraid something bad will happen.

That is why…

I do the same dysfunctional things over and over, because I learned something bad would happen if I didn’t.

What bad will happen if I don’t respond to G? If I don’t make him think that I agree with him or want to do things when and how he wants to do them?


About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on May 28, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Ooooh yeah, this.

    I have continuously wrestled with being reactionary since I became aware of the fact that I have a choice not to react. [get outta here…there’s a choice? wow!] duuuuuude.

    My discomfort seems to be the result of predicting the [likely] negative consequences for not complying with what H wants. Sure he’ll be snarky and nasty but I have to continue to untether the reaction from the event – permanently. Only then can I really know – and later trust – what my gut is telling me. I *must* remove the noise at all costs and not fall into the trap of manipulation and control. ~Speed kills.~ For me, self-care means changing the pace of the conversation or thoughtfully disengaging. I now understand that those events become little traumas that eagerly hop into that bag ‘o shit on my back if I’m not mindful.

    “nuh uh you little bastards. Find your own damn ride, this one’s full.”


    • You have a tenuous strength, and can feel how hard it is to ‘untether’ and detach. You post that I just commented on and my comment are so tied into this.
      You sound like you are so hard at work.
      I am so thankful to have your company because things feel intense lately…like gears have shifted higher, the ‘pedaling’ feels harder.
      The top Olof this hill feels a little closer though…

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