How Destroyed Am I…? Try To Face How Destroyed…

I think if I really face what has happened to me; what he did to hurt me and what I did to hurt myself and allow myself to be hurt, I will be able to move on. I have to stop trying to pretend that I am doing better than I am… Most days. Give it over. Admit how human you are… Admit how hurt you are. Make noise into your pillow. Cry. Spew.

I am not just angry anymore. I am hurt…a waste product. Really incaPBLe of taKing care of myself and of “things”, or at least not feeling like I can. That is real. Not feeling like I can take care of things. I need to pay attention to how I feel.

If it weren’t for my beloved blog supporters, I would forget sometimes, to be as honest on here as I possibly can. And to be honest, period.

It is Easter. And I feel empty and like something that has been thrown away…beaten by the elements…tired of trying and being the only one. Tired.

Feeling sorry for myself. Remind me to get up and do some yoga. Feed the cat. Remember that I am free to do what I like this morning. Remember…freedom does not mean power. I am powerless over what has happened. I am not helpless though. I can help me to the hilt. Help me, Shantelle.

If my writing this helps others like their writing helps me…then there is something good here. I am something good here. I am something good.

Remind myself also that sometimes I am going better than I think. Bed feelings are good if I acknowledge and do what I feel.



About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on April 20, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Easter.
    How joyful to find an empty tomb on Easter morning!
    I know it’s little comfort, but do know that we must be emptied of the hurt before we can be filled with the love. This pain you feel now is necessary to the healing process. Keep turning it over to God and let Him heal you. ❤

    • Thank you for that reminder, littleman. I really need it, all the time now. I too often still try to do something about my pain that will do nothing for my pain… But although I am some kind of ‘suffering junky’ I know that my higher power does not want me to feel that pain… I just have to remember that. All of my higher powers efforts go towards peaceful balanced life…

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