I Screamed Today!
Phewf…I let some of it out. I didn’t hate myself for it. After addressing a frustrating situation I had to scream into a pillow before I could continue writing my chapter… Oh…my…I don’t think I have ever actually done that before, with a willing conscious mind… I did it for myself…to help me. It was super releasing to. My happiness lies directly under that thin but robust layer of anger and frustration… I felt relief and self love the instant after I screamed. I even tried it 3or 4 times in a row…! I was courageous enough – not listening to voice that would remind me how ugly I am, how weak I am, how petty I am, how much I might be ‘overreacting’…. Holy shit. I did it…
And tonight a went to an alanon meeting where the topic was step 4:
– My negative attributes are not exactly what I think they are
– strength to withstand what ‘people are doing to me’ is not the strength I want to exert…I want to exert the strength of my character, of my spirit, of my being…not against anything or anyone…just my strength.
– letting feelings out has to come first
– my feelings are not the negative attributes, the negative or hurtful attribute is to hide them, lie about them, stuff them… My feelings are mine and a viable indication of who I am. My management of them must change if I want to change my relationships
Posted on April 4, 2014, in 12-step, Addiction, Adult Children, codependence, emotional abuse, emotional sobriety, Inner child, Meditation, recovery, Uncategorized, withdrawal. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.