I Screamed Today!


Phewf…I let some of it out. I didn’t hate myself for it. After addressing a frustrating situation I had to scream into a pillow before I could continue writing my chapter… Oh…my…I don’t think I have ever actually done that before, with a willing conscious mind… I did it for myself…to help me. It was super releasing to. My happiness lies directly under that thin but robust layer of anger and frustration… I felt relief and self love the instant after I screamed. I even tried it 3or 4 times in a row…! I was courageous enough – not listening to voice that would remind me how ugly I am, how weak I am, how petty I am, how much I might be ‘overreacting’…. Holy shit. I did it…

And tonight a went to an alanon meeting where the topic was step 4:

– My negative attributes are not exactly what I think they are
– strength to withstand what ‘people are doing to me’ is not the strength I want to exert…I want to exert the strength of my character, of my spirit, of my being…not against anything or anyone…just my strength.
– letting feelings out has to come first
– my feelings are not the negative attributes, the negative or hurtful attribute is to hide them, lie about them, stuff them… My feelings are mine and a viable indication of who I am. My management of them must change if I want to change my relationships
-…

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About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on April 4, 2014, in 12-step, Addiction, Adult Children, codependence, emotional abuse, emotional sobriety, Inner child, Meditation, recovery, Uncategorized, withdrawal. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Hooray! So proud of you! It takes so much energy to hold all our feelings inside. Letting go leaves us feeling light and free. Gradually, we’ll allow ourselves to feel that way more and more often. Fantastic! ❤

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