I Trust Myself To:
Bah…! I don’t know…
I have been putting my trust in others, not me, to make sure I have what I need. I do work hard in my life to do the right thing and make sure I have a place to live and all of those basic things. But when something bad happens, I wait for someone to jump in and rectify it, take care of me, protect me.
Waiting for parent to show up, I think…
The more time passes and I don’t take this role myself, the bigger ups and downs I have. The longer I believe that the only way I will REALLY be safe and secure and loved is through a parent or partner…the scarier life gets.
So, I am going to bring myself to expand my own repertoire of self-care, concern and protection. I have a bigger job than I thought. And I don’t think it starts with the “things to do” kind of list. I think it starts with the belief that I am my own protector, boss, carer, caterer, cheering squad, foreseer, back-up… Primarily the belief that when all else fails I can trust myself (and the higher power of course).
My higher power has me on its’mind’ all the time.
And I am on my mind too, all the time.
I can trust myself to:
– welcome me in the morning
– encourage me in the morning
– smile at me in the morning and tell me I love me
– make myself breakfast
– care for my body
– to recognize fear in my body and comfort myself
– recognize fatigue in my body and mind and comfort myself
– give myself time
– give myself space
– be patient with my incessant fearful obsessing.
– get myself to a source of safe and loving feelings
– remind me of the things that show my strengths, potential…
– remember the qualities I like about myself
– celebrate my effort to be better and feel better
– pay attention to how I have been depriving myself and correct these things with time…
It’s not my fault that I am so angry. I can only listen and investigate and be patient and understanding and help me get to the bottom of it.
I don’t need to blame myself for be ing angry, or panicked, or even disdainful.
I only need to listen.
Posted on February 14, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.
wonderfulshantelle 
“Bah…! I don’t know…” made me laugh out loud! Boy do I know that feeling!
The rest of it though was absolutely marvelous. I admire the way you were able to list the ways in which you could practice self-care, especially since I know it can be so mystifying for many of us. I particularly liked the part about listening to yourself…I’ve recently learned to do this and, having gotten it right once or twice, I experience near giddiness after the fact. Makes it easier not to get made at myself if/when I backslide.
Good job to you!
LOL – I was laughing that hard at myself as well 🙂
Yes, I find the theory practice for self-care is going much better than the practice right now. It’s like I really have to imagine doing those things, many, many times before I have the wherewithall to just DO it…
Do tell about the listening to yourself things…? If there are any examples you feel you would like to share I would love to hear.
Listening to myself feels like the last thing I want to do most times. Having a hard time trusting which thoughts are real.
I came up with this thing last week. This kind of ‘rule’ that when I get home I automatically sit/lay down and do NOTHING for 10-15 minutes. Just to give myself the chance to listen to my body…feelings… It is difficult, but when it works (even for a moment) it feels stupendous…
Lots of loving prayers and wishes to you today!
Namaste
S
Having “rules” that set boundaries for ourselves is critical to our survival. Since we’re inclined to “poo poo” our own needs, establishing a routine that provides structure helps me to bring what I need into the realm of commitment. Good for you!
I will blog about listening to myself shortly. It’s a great topic!
Thanks for your support and kind words. It all makes a difference!
XO, D