I Trust Myself To:
Bah…! I don’t know…
I have been putting my trust in others, not me, to make sure I have what I need. I do work hard in my life to do the right thing and make sure I have a place to live and all of those basic things. But when something bad happens, I wait for someone to jump in and rectify it, take care of me, protect me.
Waiting for parent to show up, I think…
The more time passes and I don’t take this role myself, the bigger ups and downs I have. The longer I believe that the only way I will REALLY be safe and secure and loved is through a parent or partner…the scarier life gets.
So, I am going to bring myself to expand my own repertoire of self-care, concern and protection. I have a bigger job than I thought. And I don’t think it starts with the “things to do” kind of list. I think it starts with the belief that I am my own protector, boss, carer, caterer, cheering squad, foreseer, back-up… Primarily the belief that when all else fails I can trust myself (and the higher power of course).
My higher power has me on its’mind’ all the time.
And I am on my mind too, all the time.
I can trust myself to:
– welcome me in the morning
– encourage me in the morning
– smile at me in the morning and tell me I love me
– make myself breakfast
– care for my body
– to recognize fear in my body and comfort myself
– recognize fatigue in my body and mind and comfort myself
– give myself time
– give myself space
– be patient with my incessant fearful obsessing.
– get myself to a source of safe and loving feelings
– remind me of the things that show my strengths, potential…
– remember the qualities I like about myself
– celebrate my effort to be better and feel better
– pay attention to how I have been depriving myself and correct these things with time…
It’s not my fault that I am so angry. I can only listen and investigate and be patient and understanding and help me get to the bottom of it.
I don’t need to blame myself for be ing angry, or panicked, or even disdainful.
I only need to listen.