Boundaries – another installment
I have had some heavenly times in my romantic relationships. We have really felt almost otherworldly together, some people and I.
I’m not 100% sure why though. I think it had a lot to do with the neediness we both had. And we didn’t even see the neediness, how it locked us in. Until one of us started doing things that hurt the other person, or that one of us didn’t really go for or agree with.
I WAS just going to say here that, my relationships have been wonderful until I was faced with having to be honest about my true feelings about something that that other person was saying or doing that bothered or upset me. I sadly could not, and therefore could not be open about those feelings. It is like that reaction is silenced, muted in me. I have been incapable, due to paralyzingly fear.
I was going to say that I want to concentrate now on how I will express more immediately and openly when a line is crossed for me or when I am uneasy, bothered, undecided or unsure. And then my relationships will be better. I need to identify my boundaries – a sensation that signifies that a boundary of mine has been crossed, and find a way to make that known (without it coming out judgmental).
I am really afraid inside that anyone would not respond to such a thing from me in an open or accommodating way. I am terrified. That they will call me judgmental or critical or insolent or mean…
In order to find the courage I need to know from the bottom of my heart that:
– I am a loving person
– I have important feelings
– I have intelligent understandings
– other people can care about those things and will respond in a kind way if they care for me.
– I don’t have to prove to anyone that I am a nice person, even when I express my concern or unhappiness or disappointment.
– AND I am a good person even of they are angry at me or disagree with me or call me names or criticize me…
1) am I aware of a lack of boundary-setting on my part when I first meet a person?
2) can I identify boundary-crossing later on and communicate my thoughts and feelings about them?
THIS APPLIES TO ANYTHING – and it depends in my circumstance at he time.
Like over the past day or so I pretty much went quasi-catatonic when due to mechanic error my wheel fell off my car while I was driving…
I was so worried about how I would make sure they were accountable while I was a woman and dealing with a bunch of male mechanics.. Worried about asking for what I wanted and not hiding my anger or frustration….and hold my ground and countenance etc etc…
I feel that when someone has power in the form of more knowledge or experience than me, or a higher position than me, I am very vulnerable. And if it’s a bad time, I get scared. Little girl, not adult.
How to snap out of that in the moment… How to get used to exercising my individual power as an individual…