You Know What…?!
I am doing it. I am changing! I am getting stronger and happier and wiser.
I have begun to share myself with the world; I learned to begin to be honest with myself and other people at coda meetings and alanon meetings and ACA step studies.
And I have learned to begin to take responsibility for myself! I have done at least one step 4 and step 5. And I have come out of it feeling tired but relieved. I know that life can get better. That I can (eventually) feel free and good, despite all of my mistakes and despite all of the things people have done that have hurt me.
And I have watched me protect myself and keep myself safe, and give myself space and time, and take care of my responsibilities…even though in order to do that I had to turn my codependent back on the person I loved and whom I think I am supposed to delay my own comfort and progress for… Uuggh that has been torturous and ugly!
I noticed last night that I have not allowed myself full recognition for my steps forward because my codependent mind was waiting for praise and change from that person who does not appreciate any of it…
I couldn’t see how much I have done, how much I have learned, because I kept looking back for his reaction…his action…his change…
I am different now. I do different things for love from now on. I am a pretty rad chick 🙂
Wow, I really deserve a little (big) bucket of proud appreciation for myself after all this time and all of this heartbreaking, and heart-fixing, work!! And I am the best one to give it to me…
Posted on February 6, 2014, in 12-step, AA, Addiction, Adult Children, codependence, emotional abuse, emotional sobriety, Inner child, Meditation, recovery, Relationship, Uncategorized, withdrawal. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.