I have been listening to Tara Brach‘s audiobook “True Refuge” regularly for at least a couple of months now. One of the tools she talks about is this one – R.A.I.N. – for dealing with feelings and bodily sensations in the moment. I have not picked this up quickly but I am moving forward.

This morning I am sitting writing one of my chapters and feeling anxiety as usual, and all of a sudden I became conscious of it, and my mind jumped to want to use the tool, do the exercise. RAIN stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Non-identification…

Thankfully I Recognized the sensation in my body; the tight chest, the pressure, what feels like a shallow ability to swallow, almost like my throat is closed up, and shallow breathing.

Allowing is probably the most difficult part of this exercise. Every time I think of allowing things to be just the way they are, allowing my feelings and sensations to just ‘be’ I feel like I am going to be debilitated in tears. I feel like I may have to cry for a really long time (which I don’t have time for right now đŸ˜‰ and like it will be one of those dry-heaving cries… I don’t know if I am doing the step the right way, but letting this be as they are feels like letting go of my grip of the edge of….something… I think the best I do here is ‘imagine’ allowing…but I’m not sure…

When I Investigate I notice that the bodily sensations I think I am waiting for a ‘worst thing’ to happen. My mind is throwing scary thoughts at me, giving me things to worry about, I am imagining the disappointed look on my supervisor’s face and how I am going to protect myself from that. I am feeling the little time I always feel I have to write, to finish writing…I imagine that there are obstacles or things that will waste time in my path to do EVERYTHING… At least I recognize these things as imaginary things. To some degree I recognize them as fears…

Non-identification: this step is one where I am supposed to recognize my feelings and thoughts and fears as not defining who I am. They are separate from my true self, my true essence. Hard work to believe. I am not yet sure of who I really am, what my true self is… I am glad that I have an image of my mind to give me some comfort for this reason…it’s a Buddhist metaphor I think (see Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche‘s The Joy of Living), of the mind likened to outer space. It is as empty and quiet, but with millions of little entities (thoughts) floating around. But if you were in outer space it wouldn’t feel crowded. You would not feel crowded or overwhelmed by busy thoughts…You wouldn’t hear anything. You could watch the thoughts float on by on their path and rest in the nothingness of space, the vacuum, the emptiness with the potential for anything, anything good…Who is that person watching everything float peacefully amongst everything else…?

Good first-time written-down practice of this one…?



About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on January 23, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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