Reality can be helpful, even comforting. Even the things that at some point feel like the end of the world, bottom of the bucket…simply resentment-worthy, forever.

My mother didn’t want me. She was very close to leaving me three territories away for adoption. She felt like someone had left her with something she didn’t want. The last thing she needed. It was my birth father’s fault. But after leaving me, a newborn, with an aunt for a few weeks, she went and picked me up. She brought me home and brought me up. As a trophy child. She hid her grief that she was going to be saddled with me forever. She hid her disappointment in her situation that way.

But not that well.

It all comes out in the wash.

I was set up for a difficult time of it. I felt like a burden for as long as I can remember. I felt the facade as well.

Now I know.

Now what do I do?

Stay true to myself.
If I am sad and angry, staying true to myself doesn’t sound fun.

What good is inside me that will come out when I decide to be true to myself?


About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on October 5, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. You already are being true to yourself. Denial would be the opposite and I don’t see denial (i.e., sugar coating reality) in your writing. The results of our work [here] are not quantifiable, which is difficult for those of us who measure ourselves by quantifiable achievements.

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