Face it

Other people are the heirs to their own actions. Their actions determine their happiness, not my efforts or intentions.

– G Would always rather drink than not drink.
– He always rather drink than have quality time with me.
When he says ” I just …” Everything after that is not true.
– All of the time he is away from me he is thinking about the drama and managing (his imagination of) other peoples opinions of him. He is not aware of what he wants and certainly not focused on building a life with me.
– he always prefers a buzz or drunk over being sober.
– hi ‘fits me in’ in between thoughts on or occasions for drinking. He doesn’t concentrate on building our life together.
– his daily endeavor is about ‘surviving all of his adversity’ not ‘living’.
– he does not have the vision of a calm, comfortable, easy life (and with me).
– he wants to encounter or create or conspiracy theorize about problems so he has excuses for his anger, irritation and resentment and endless drinking.

And I have a ridiculously uncontrollable need to figure out why I need to figure this all out instead of move on. Why I hold on. Why I believe there is hope for him, for us… My mind is like a cruel broken record and I don’t know what is going to jerk it out of that excruciatingly mind-numbingly hurting groove the needle is in… It is like this person and his mess was made for me.

Ok, so the Higher Power has us deal with exactly what we need to deal with… I’m sure this cruel joke is a blessing and outside the other end of the tunnel is spactacularly wonderful, but i feel chained by one big link to the upper wall of this tunnel and am squirming like a nut to get loose, but I just can’t put my finger on what the key is.


About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on September 21, 2013, in 12-step, AA, Addiction, Adult Children, codependence, emotional abuse, emotional sobriety, Inner child, Meditation, recovery, Relationship, Uncategorized, withdrawal. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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