I experience this feeling, or set of feelings, almost constantly. The worst is when I know that I am doing things that make me uncomfortable, or unhappy, or that force me to struggle, or that make me uneasy or that keep me in childhood fear…but I bat at those feelings with flappy hands like a panicky ‘girl who doesn’t know how to punch’ just avoiding instead of facing them and/or nipping them in the bud…
This morning, as has happened on occasion before, I perceived a whispering of words in my head. For the longest time (forever maybe) my feelings have not transformed into thoughts or words that I could make sense of or didn’t have to be scared of. My self has not wanted to communicate with me because I didn’t respond the first hundred times (wasn’t allowed or couldn’t manage it when I was a kid). So now My self has to learn to trust me enough to utter the words behind the feelings. To tell me what the feelings are telling me. Meanwhile I am just burdened by scary feelings and have no response… Today I will try to write down the whispers I heard this morning.
Posted on May 6, 2013, in 12-step, AA, Addiction, Adult Children, codependence, emotional abuse, emotional sobriety, Meditation, recovery, Relationship, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.