Cut Back on the Punishment

Gratitude to my therapist today. Only good things come from putting oneself in the way of help.

I arrived in her office today and a bunch of rich and intense things streamed out of my mouth about how I continue to make decisions that keep me in a continued state of discomfort, fear, anxiety… I cannot seem to say ‘no’ (or ‘yes’ depending on the case) for one simple reason: ME. I can’t yet seem to gear into caring for my own feelings enough…

So, I went on and on about how difficult it is to make the right decisions and then about how I loath and punish myself on top of that.

She eventually stopped me and said that all I seem to do is work. ‘Work’. Work on work, work on school, work on home and work on me. I really am not treating my life and my recovery as though it is a process. I am not having any patience with myself at all… And I have such high standards, and in so many words, no allowance for my own humanity; emotion and learning and feeling processes, growing, realizing, changing neural pathways. I am a real militant gal towards my own self.

It was more emotional for me to hear her say it than it has been for me to ‘know’ those things.

So, I felt some peace given the permission, so-to-speak, to let myself be human. And I felt myself back down a bit. I felt some compassion for a few moments and I think in those moments I also prayed for the compassion to stay with me.

Gratitude for others lending me their attitudes of compassion…


About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on March 28, 2013, in 12-step, AA, Addiction, Adult Children, codependence, emotional abuse, emotional sobriety, Meditation, recovery, Relationship, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Your therapist was wise in her thoughts. I was the same, and sometimes am the same too – working on this, working on that. I had to learn to let go and trust the process. Difficult at first. But it’s through the process that the real healing happens, and it’s difficult because I can’t control it or rush it or anything like that. It’s not my time, it’s my Higher Power’s time. But we get there.

    Gratitude to you for sharing this đŸ™‚


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