The art of the Parent and Adult Child relationship

I know that in such relationships, dysfunction, codependent, emotionally exploitative, both people feel guilt.
My question is, how does the child come to terms with the fact that there was not the nurturing thy needed, and on top of that(!) the insistence from the parent that they did the best they could and that they ‘wanted’ to give more and spend more time and more attention but just couldn’t. From my perspective, my mother wants me to conduct myself in our relationship as though she DID provide the caring and attention for the sole reason that she ‘wanted to.’ Intention does not equal care. Nor does it produce an adult-child who conducts themselves as though they were adequately nurtured and cared for. Intention still only produces and adult-child who was not.
So, I ask all of this as I look to discover how I can live honestly and have an honest and caring relationship with my mother (to a degree that I am comfortable and happy with) based on who I am and what she REALLY did and didn’t do, not what she intended to do. I think pretty much 100% of this work has to be done inside myself. And I will only gain clarity as I listen to myself and my true feelings. This is difficult to be 40 years old and still acting uncontrollably based on my mothers reactions and her reality. I am only ever so gradually discovering my own outside of the fear and codependent habits and reactions. I wish the process would happen a little faster, but I also pray for a peaceful mind as I chip ever so fervently away at this…
What kinds of things am I still taking for granted about what I can and can not do, what I can and can not feel, and what I can and can not think that I now have the choice with regards to?
Wow, that is relearning life, relearning my self…


About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on January 14, 2013, in Addiction, codependence, emotional abuse, Relationship. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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