Inventory – bad methods

I am swamped with work. Or at least I feel swamped, all the time. Teaching 3 courses and trying to finish writing my dissertation…but all I seem to be able to do is procrastinate.

My methods are very unhelpful. I am isolating so I dread getting myself to the office to work. I am distracted by all of my emotional issues right now and I think I use them to put off work. I cannot even etch myself out particular pockets of time and stick to them in order to do individual tasks. Everything takes me at least 4 times as long as it should.

First and foremost I think that I need to have a stronger desire to get things done. I do not, however, have a comfort with being in a good place with my work. I think I am terrified that people will want to dump more on me. I think that fear is justified. Because the more I handled when I was young, the more my mother piled on, and the less she helped me, or checked in with me, or..anything… And I feel useless and ashamed if I am not doing everything that is on my plate…

I am in a downward spiral with this, and what I need and would like to change is my own outlook on it. But it feels incredibly difficult to have a good outlook when I haven’t ever had that consistently before.

I need to love myself, have a goal, have goals that make me happy, include self-care constantly…


About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on January 13, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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