My Positive Traits today


I am resourceful: I find ways to get things done.

I am imaginative/creative:

I am analytical:

I am insightful:

I am perceptive:

I have self-restraint:

I am emotional:

I am gentle:

I am fierce:

I am protective:

I have subscribed to taking care of myself by

– preparing myself for difficult moments/days/occasions; I booked and went on a silent retreat for the few days before my 40th birthday. It was a wonderful gift for myself because I met kind people, I fed myself superbly, I had a comfortable bed, I gave myself distance, I sat with myself for hours on end, I let myself find peace and calm.

– I planned and had a little birthday party for myself with my closest friends. I had it at an amazing restaurant with fantastic wine, and I let myself enjoy it. I endulged myself in the kind people I have around me and didn’t worry about the money or about G. I felt pretty and powerful and deserving.

– when my brother and his family came I ordered myself a birthday cake. A good rich chocolate birthday cake from the bakery down the street.

– I exercise to take care of my body every day.

– I go to meetings at least 3-4 times a week. Last week I went on sunday, step study monday, wednesday, friday, saturday, sponsee on sunday again

– I’ve decided to go to Tokyo with two friends for christmas and new years. This means I will be away from G – it will be a reprieve for me, and I will do as much as I can of what I want.

– I book yoga workshops every once in a while so that I have that to look forward to.

– I go a temple to meditate once or twice a week, for guidance.

– I listen to guided meditations pretty much everyday to remind myself to come back to myself.

– I listen to AA talks because they make me feel plugged into the world, they help me understand the craziness of my life and of the lives of those I have shared my life with. They guide me towards putting my trust in the idea that I will be okay if I trust in the power that really nourrishes me in this world. My higher power has kept me alive all of this time.

– I remember certain things about my young life that help me to feel human, feeling, caring towards myself, unbeaten. I walked up to my neighbors when I was 7 or 8 in order to save myself from fear and craziness. To save myself. I saved myself. Even at 7 years old.

– I want to learn how to save myself at 40 years old. I want to learn to cast off this feeling of obligation to be someone else’s punching bag. Someone else’s justification.  I want to believe that I am more than someone else’s reason for…anything.

– I go to therapy to give myself a resource. So that I don’t feel alone. I look to be honest with myself, I look for people to help me be honest with myself.

– I look for balance.

– I am thankful: I thank the world for providing me with life today, with fresh air, with a cat that loves me, with the possibility of living a better life, with people who find me nice to be around, for people who praise me sincerely, with the possibility of feeling free without feeling doom and guilt and failure.

– I am willing to look for a way to stop feeling doom, guilt and failure for taking care of my feelings and my body.

 

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About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on December 17, 2012, in Addiction, codependence, emotional abuse, Relationship. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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