My Positive Traits today

I am resourceful: I find ways to get things done.

I am imaginative/creative:

I am analytical:

I am insightful:

I am perceptive:

I have self-restraint:

I am emotional:

I am gentle:

I am fierce:

I am protective:

I have subscribed to taking care of myself by

– preparing myself for difficult moments/days/occasions; I booked and went on a silent retreat for the few days before my 40th birthday. It was a wonderful gift for myself because I met kind people, I fed myself superbly, I had a comfortable bed, I gave myself distance, I sat with myself for hours on end, I let myself find peace and calm.

– I planned and had a little birthday party for myself with my closest friends. I had it at an amazing restaurant with fantastic wine, and I let myself enjoy it. I endulged myself in the kind people I have around me and didn’t worry about the money or about G. I felt pretty and powerful and deserving.

– when my brother and his family came I ordered myself a birthday cake. A good rich chocolate birthday cake from the bakery down the street.

– I exercise to take care of my body every day.

– I go to meetings at least 3-4 times a week. Last week I went on sunday, step study monday, wednesday, friday, saturday, sponsee on sunday again

– I’ve decided to go to Tokyo with two friends for christmas and new years. This means I will be away from G – it will be a reprieve for me, and I will do as much as I can of what I want.

– I book yoga workshops every once in a while so that I have that to look forward to.

– I go a temple to meditate once or twice a week, for guidance.

– I listen to guided meditations pretty much everyday to remind myself to come back to myself.

– I listen to AA talks because they make me feel plugged into the world, they help me understand the craziness of my life and of the lives of those I have shared my life with. They guide me towards putting my trust in the idea that I will be okay if I trust in the power that really nourrishes me in this world. My higher power has kept me alive all of this time.

– I remember certain things about my young life that help me to feel human, feeling, caring towards myself, unbeaten. I walked up to my neighbors when I was 7 or 8 in order to save myself from fear and craziness. To save myself. I saved myself. Even at 7 years old.

– I want to learn how to save myself at 40 years old. I want to learn to cast off this feeling of obligation to be someone else’s punching bag. Someone else’s justification.  I want to believe that I am more than someone else’s reason for…anything.

– I go to therapy to give myself a resource. So that I don’t feel alone. I look to be honest with myself, I look for people to help me be honest with myself.

– I look for balance.

– I am thankful: I thank the world for providing me with life today, with fresh air, with a cat that loves me, with the possibility of living a better life, with people who find me nice to be around, for people who praise me sincerely, with the possibility of feeling free without feeling doom and guilt and failure.

– I am willing to look for a way to stop feeling doom, guilt and failure for taking care of my feelings and my body.



About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on December 17, 2012, in Addiction, codependence, emotional abuse, Relationship. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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