My Positive Traits today
I am resourceful: I find ways to get things done.
I am imaginative/creative:
I am analytical:
I am insightful:
I am perceptive:
I have self-restraint:
I am emotional:
I am gentle:
I am fierce:
I am protective:
I have subscribed to taking care of myself by
– preparing myself for difficult moments/days/occasions; I booked and went on a silent retreat for the few days before my 40th birthday. It was a wonderful gift for myself because I met kind people, I fed myself superbly, I had a comfortable bed, I gave myself distance, I sat with myself for hours on end, I let myself find peace and calm.
– I planned and had a little birthday party for myself with my closest friends. I had it at an amazing restaurant with fantastic wine, and I let myself enjoy it. I endulged myself in the kind people I have around me and didn’t worry about the money or about G. I felt pretty and powerful and deserving.
– when my brother and his family came I ordered myself a birthday cake. A good rich chocolate birthday cake from the bakery down the street.
– I exercise to take care of my body every day.
– I go to meetings at least 3-4 times a week. Last week I went on sunday, step study monday, wednesday, friday, saturday, sponsee on sunday again
– I’ve decided to go to Tokyo with two friends for christmas and new years. This means I will be away from G – it will be a reprieve for me, and I will do as much as I can of what I want.
– I book yoga workshops every once in a while so that I have that to look forward to.
– I go a temple to meditate once or twice a week, for guidance.
– I listen to guided meditations pretty much everyday to remind myself to come back to myself.
– I listen to AA talks because they make me feel plugged into the world, they help me understand the craziness of my life and of the lives of those I have shared my life with. They guide me towards putting my trust in the idea that I will be okay if I trust in the power that really nourrishes me in this world. My higher power has kept me alive all of this time.
– I remember certain things about my young life that help me to feel human, feeling, caring towards myself, unbeaten. I walked up to my neighbors when I was 7 or 8 in order to save myself from fear and craziness. To save myself. I saved myself. Even at 7 years old.
– I want to learn how to save myself at 40 years old. I want to learn to cast off this feeling of obligation to be someone else’s punching bag. Someone else’s justification. I want to believe that I am more than someone else’s reason for…anything.
– I go to therapy to give myself a resource. So that I don’t feel alone. I look to be honest with myself, I look for people to help me be honest with myself.
– I look for balance.
– I am thankful: I thank the world for providing me with life today, with fresh air, with a cat that loves me, with the possibility of living a better life, with people who find me nice to be around, for people who praise me sincerely, with the possibility of feeling free without feeling doom and guilt and failure.
– I am willing to look for a way to stop feeling doom, guilt and failure for taking care of my feelings and my body.