It’s interesting what happens when the novelty starts to wear off with something. I started to go to guided meditation because I feel like I need to sit with myself, to listen to myself, to hear myself, to find the peace I need in myself rather than elsewhere. The novelty of it is starting to wear off. There are some things that are starting to feel ‘regular’, like there is less to discover, and that’s when I can get bored. But boredom is just a fear in this case, only coming if I am looking outside myself for relief. One can even lose one’s track with meditation if you’re preoccupied with the place in which you are meditating, the person who is guiding, etc. I faced that a little today. And kind of moved past it, and discovered a gift or two.
I first noticed my usual wandering and distracting thoughts. But I noticed in a way that I detached myself from them enough to begin to be gentle with my mind for wandering. I tried to react the way I’ve thought I’ve needed others to react with me. Kindly. Gently. It was a start.
Secondly I noticed (which I am very happy about) that right before any of those loud distracting thoughts comes a loud and distracting feeling. And fitting this in with the rest of the puzzle of sanity I have been putting together for months, I reminded mysf that I need to accept my feelings. As I sat there I hoped that if I pay attention to the feelings and just allow them, I don’t necessarily have to listen to those loud and distracting thoughts. They just may be allayed because I have given the feelings their due notice…
Then at the end I thanked my higher power for these gifts today.