Seeing Me and my Life

I was on my way to meditation today and as usual I had been rushing. Because I tried to fit in doing a few more things than I had planned this morning. I did yoga, fed the kitty, drank my lemon water, answered emails from students, checked readings, presentation schedule, started a couple of powerpoints. And then I started making food, which I hadn’t planned to do this morning. I finished making fried rice and washed up before leaving for meditation but I was pressed – squeezing, squeezing, hoping I would not be late for meditation at 12:15. I put myself through that a lot. I do not stand back and look at what I have on my plate and arrange my everyday so that I both give myself time I need for things and to get places, and excuse myself from doing things that I won’t have time for. I do not look realistically at myself an my thing to do, and my own propensities so as to give myself a day where I am not struggling with such desperation. When I struggle like that I am also being hard on myself inside as though I should be fitting everything in. As though I should have gotten up earlier, etc, etc. I am not fair to myself. And I do not know how to be. Feels counter-intuitive.
And then in guided meditation we were instructed to let go of intruding thoughts, images, as we were concentrating on meditation. Good lesson. When I am concentrating on one thing I can put other things off until I am finished. If they are unkind or OCD thoughts, I can also let them go.
Maybe that will help.
Right now I am sitting at a cafe with the intention of knocking a couple of specific things off of my list of to-do’s. I’ll try that method. Being conscious if the interrupting thoughts and feelings and if they are not necessary (hunger etc) I will let go of them until I am finished my tasks…
I think I can also have another look at my week with realistic and compassionate eyes and prepare to do the same thing…


About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on October 22, 2012, in codependence, emotional abuse, Relationship. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: