When I Met Him

When I met him, I waited to see what he needed, what he was going to do. I was passive. I totally transformed the reality in my head. I transformed a bad situation into a ‘ potentially’ good situation, not even a good situation.

My stomach and chest ache so badly, from all of these thoughts. All of these mistakes I’ve made, everything I have put myself through. Everything. I can’t even find anything in these moments that make me feel good about the situation. It is deplorable, absolutely unthinkable… the worst, most excruciatingly painful situation, out of a most excruciatingly painful life I have led until now… I am absolutely floored, without words or actions or energy to even survive these moments. I was so absolutely absent and lazy and just not there for myself. There are some things that shouldn’t happen on any day. There are some things that I never want to think about or see or hear, or contemplate, or run into or give any moment to, ever. I do not have to have any of it in my life. I have to suffer so much for everything up to now…I can barely feel myself living through it…I wish I could sleep through it and wake up at the other end it is so much pain…


About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on August 6, 2012, in codependence, emotional abuse, Relationship. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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