When I Met Him


When I met him, I waited to see what he needed, what he was going to do. I was passive. I totally transformed the reality in my head. I transformed a bad situation into a ‘ potentially’ good situation, not even a good situation.

My stomach and chest ache so badly, from all of these thoughts. All of these mistakes I’ve made, everything I have put myself through. Everything. I can’t even find anything in these moments that make me feel good about the situation. It is deplorable, absolutely unthinkable… the worst, most excruciatingly painful situation, out of a most excruciatingly painful life I have led until now… I am absolutely floored, without words or actions or energy to even survive these moments. I was so absolutely absent and lazy and just not there for myself. There are some things that shouldn’t happen on any day. There are some things that I never want to think about or see or hear, or contemplate, or run into or give any moment to, ever. I do not have to have any of it in my life. I have to suffer so much for everything up to now…I can barely feel myself living through it…I wish I could sleep through it and wake up at the other end it is so much pain…

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About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on August 6, 2012, in codependence, emotional abuse, Relationship. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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