What did I just do?
I watch myself do confusing things, things that go against what is best or me in the moment. I just left Starbucks where I was working, however slowly, because a friend said she was going for a donut. I was still in the mood to work (although struggling badly with G thoughts), and I don’t care to eat donuts…and I think I will probably feel a little depleted after talking to her, because I often do. But I got up because it was impulse. Or it wa habit. I was summoned, or I created the summons, because I want to pretend I have a social life. I am trying to create a new life but I am doing the same bs… I want affirmation. I want to feel like I exist. How do I feel like that all on my own?