This is a very powerful urge. It is something I do all the time every day. And it is a most powerful urge when I am around other people. I cannot just be. I have to give something of myself for something that they may not have or may be missing or may need help with or I think they want to feel not alone. I am so presumptuous and lose time and self compensating. I feel it. I did it last night with Ky. How do I only do what I need.

Even when I listen to people I extend myself to beyond what I want to. when I listen to Greg and am annoyed by his foucs on what I thing are menial complaints and discontents. I just want to exercise and be healthy and bring ease and a lack of worry into other people’s lives. My mother taught me that that is what I am there for. She made me think I could bring more to someone than I actually can. Bring something to someone that is not what is really me, what I am capable of, or what I am supposed to do. How do I stop doing that, especially when it is so ingrained in me. I have to be so kind of self-reflecting, self-aware, self-interested person, that judges whether I should carry out any action on whether I want to, whether I am able, whether it is my job or role, whether it will compromise me and my immediate circumstances, needs, plans, etc… How basic is that?!


About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on April 12, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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