Compensation


This is a very powerful urge. It is something I do all the time every day. And it is a most powerful urge when I am around other people. I cannot just be. I have to give something of myself for something that they may not have or may be missing or may need help with or I think they want to feel not alone. I am so presumptuous and lose time and self compensating. I feel it. I did it last night with Ky. How do I only do what I need.

Even when I listen to people I extend myself to beyond what I want to. when I listen to Greg and am annoyed by his foucs on what I thing are menial complaints and discontents. I just want to exercise and be healthy and bring ease and a lack of worry into other people’s lives. My mother taught me that that is what I am there for. She made me think I could bring more to someone than I actually can. Bring something to someone that is not what is really me, what I am capable of, or what I am supposed to do. How do I stop doing that, especially when it is so ingrained in me. I have to be so kind of self-reflecting, self-aware, self-interested person, that judges whether I should carry out any action on whether I want to, whether I am able, whether it is my job or role, whether it will compromise me and my immediate circumstances, needs, plans, etc… How basic is that?!

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About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on April 12, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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