Reprieve to myself
down with the anticipation
I want the craziness over the emptiness. How do I feel that emptiness with good things so that I change my mind. How do I change my perspective on the craziness so that I decide against it next time? How do I stay consistent with feeling good about defending myself, defending my peace, keeping it safe… How do I come to believe that I am not an ugly person when I defend what I want, what I want to feel… Do I feel guilty because I am happier than other people? Mom used to tell me that I didn’t have any problems that she had the problems so I needed to help her out. I do not need to help anyone out. I am working hard to help myself out. How do I keep my eye on the ball and really just delve into building and ‘keeping’ MY self?