Today I feel dread.
I don’t, know what else I feel, or if I feel anything else.
I so would like to sleep but that is impossible.
I so would like to write, but that is almost impossible.
I am still thankful for some things, like: my rice pudding, my naan bread, windows so that I can feel light when I only feel dark, the little bit of sanity that I do have at moments. Oh, and yoga, even 10 minutes a day only on most days is showing some difference in my strength(a little bit mental and a little bit physical)! my muscles – I can see them more in some spots now, my peace – there are only traces at moments but they are there.
He didn’t ‘hear’ me when I said that I didn’t want stress and crap in my life. And I didn’t ‘hear’ him when he said he doesn’t want to stop drinking right now, that he doesn’t want to deal with his issues other ways besides drinking. If I hear him, I say ‘that means you don’t want to be with me right now.’ How simple is that, but yet so ridiculously difficult.