Today I feel dread.

I don’t, know what else I feel, or if I feel anything else.

I so would like to sleep but that is impossible.

I so would like to write, but that is almost impossible.

I am still thankful for some things, like: my rice pudding, my naan bread, windows so that I can feel light when I only feel dark, the little bit of sanity that I do have at moments. Oh, and yoga, even 10 minutes a day only on most days is showing some difference in my strength(a little bit mental and a little bit physical)! my muscles – I can see them more in some spots now, my peace – there are only traces at moments but they are there.

He didn’t ‘hear’ me when I said that I didn’t want stress and crap in my life. And I didn’t ‘hear’ him when he said he doesn’t want to stop drinking right now, that he doesn’t want to deal with his issues other ways besides drinking. If I hear him, I say ‘that means you don’t want to be with me right now.’ How simple is that, but yet so ridiculously difficult.


About wonderfulshantelle

Journey To My Wonderful Self

Posted on February 17, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: