About My Self
CHAPTER 2 – August 2019 – 7 years later
It feels as though I started this blog a lifetime ago. I have been compelled to come back to writing every day, like I used to for months as a time. And I guess one of the reasons I was feeling hesitant to do that was that, I am not feeling the same. I also don’t want to write the same things. I feel like this blog needs a “Chapter 2”. I wonder if it is actually a Chapter 3 or a Chapter 4…but I have not been as conscientious about doing this emotional writing for a while so what I am experiencing and want to indicate with this new Intro is a big shift of focus.
I think about self-strengthening, self-expression, self-actualization with more awareness of a desire for healthy connection to everything and everyone around me. I think about building and understanding and expanding. The earlier, much earlier entries in this blog were about looking at the mess that was all around me, that was in me, and making sense of how I got there, why, how I could understand and articulate reasons to get out and to change. Now, however, I am in territory that, to some degree, I have never been in before. I believe that big things are there for me. I believe that I am big and rich and valuable for people, for work… I am dying to grow into that bigness. The grandness. I am still leaving doubt and fear behind, but I find them only a fraction as believable to me than I did early on. Have a look back at some early posts and you will see.
Up next is belief in enjoyment, pleasure, bliss, growth, discovery, brand new-ness, in everything I can possible find it in….
—- Chapter 1 below — 🙂
It is July 18, 2015, and I am updating this Front Page of my blog for the first time since I began it…almost 3 years ago!
This blog is about me. And therefore, like I am, it is both complete AND a work in progress. The first time I wrote this opening entry I wrote, “This is a risk. This page. Because I don’t really know about myself.” I no longer feel that the blog is ‘risky’. It is one of the ways I have brought my Self back into a state of life and living these last couple of years. As some of you have already read here, I am codependent, and I have ‘gotten along’ in life according to my understanding of what other people need from me as well as what I think other people know of me. My experience of life has shifted, thankfully! I have begun to truly understand and believe that what I know of myself, what I experience of myself is the most important information I have about how to live my life, and how to live with and love others. For the longest time looking at My Self felt selfish, and scary. I admit that sometimes my spiritual work certainly resembles a lot of navel-gazing. But that has been necessary. Because I have had to learn to be personally accountable and personally responsible for my feelings, for everything about me. Because that is my most important job on this planet. I had to look backwards and inwards in order to move forward. The disorientation is subsiding bit by bit, however. And I feel some forward and upward momentum. For the fun of it maybe check out of couple early posts and then jump forward bit by bit. It’s been quite a trip down memory (trauma, recovery, and growth) lane. Thank you to all of you out there who have followed, liked, and commented on my blog contributions. I am fortunate to have learned from you beautiful people some of the most underrated lessons – that I have the need for real love, I have have real love to give, and that I am not alone. And no matter the ups and downs of life, I am always a being of beauty on this planet.