About My Self

It is July 18, 2015, and I am updating this Front Page of my blog for the first time since I began it…almost 3 years ago!

This blog is about me. And therefore, like I am, it is both complete AND a work in progress. The first time I wrote this opening entry I wrote, “This is a risk. This page. Because I don’t really know about myself.” I no longer feel that the blog is ‘risky’. It is one of the ways I have brought my Self back into a state of life and living these last couple of years. As some of you have already read here, I am codependent, and I have ‘gotten along’ in life according to my understanding of what other people need from me as well as what I think other peopleย know of me. My experience of life has shifted, thankfully! I have begun to truly understand and believe that what I know of myself, what I experience of myself is the most important information I have about how to live my life, and how to live with and love others. For the longest time looking at My Self felt selfish, and scary. I admit that sometimes my spiritual work certainly resembles a lot of navel-gazing. But that has been necessary. Because I have had to learn to be personally accountable and personally responsible for my feelings, for everything about me. Because that is my most important job on this planet. I had to look backwards and inwards in order to move forward. The disorientation is subsiding bit by bit, however. And I feel some forward and upward momentum. For the fun of it maybe check out of couple early posts and then jump forward bit by bit. It’s been quite a trip down memory (trauma, recovery, and growth) lane. Thank you to all of you out there who have followed, liked, and commented on my blog contributions. I am fortunate to have learned from you beautiful people some of the most underrated lessons – that I have the need for real love, I have have real love to give, and that I am not alone. And no matter the ups and downs of life, I am always a being of beauty on this planet.

  1. I am so grateful to have found your blog and to be able to read such an honest account of oneself. I think and feel exactly like you do. I was raised by an abusive (NPD) mother and an enabling verbally abusive father, and the effects of the consequent trauma I can’t erase upon demand.

    (PS. for unknown reasons, for some time I have been unable to add my Likes to existing posts – only to new ones on blogs I am already subscribed to)

    • Thank you for minding me wanderer. I will really enjoy following your journey-on-blog as well! I have been told that my mother has borderline personality disorder and my dad was around for a few years and was just scary and intimidating… Interestingly the behavior of almost every person I have dated resembles them as well to some degree… I am trying to get past blaming myself for all of their behaviors toward me and finding ways to accept that I can change (not worrying about them changing)… Slowly but surely.

  2. Keep writing! I’m pretty much where you’re at in one way or another and you’re/we’re not alone! My “talk therapy” has been helping me uncover me. Some of it nasty. Some of it wonderful. Some of it vulnerable.

    BUT ALL OF IT ME!

    I know you’ll find YOU too!

    God Bless! I’ve followed ya.

  3. Hi there, I hope you don’t mind, but I nominated your blog for the Liebster Award. I’m really enjoying your work. Check out my post for details.

  4. I’m codependent too, and I found out this codependency is a type of addiction that makes me addicted to love avoidants- emotionally unavailable people. Often, these people have other addictions like drugs, alcohol, gambling.

    I’ve been reading a lot about it and am blogging about my recovery and facing my reality and fears.

    Thank you for sharing, and thank you for following me.

  5. Hi Shantelle,

    Iโ€™ve awarded you the Sunshine Award for positively and creatively inspiring others in the blogosphere.

    http://dharmagoddess.wordpress.com/2014/01/20/the-sunshine-award/

    Congratulations and thank you for your blog!

    My best,

    Dharma
    http://dharmagoddess.wordpress.com

  6. Dear friend, Thank you very much, I was really happy to have been following your blog. Iโ€™m still a lot to figure out, and here I can only say that you are an awesome blogger, full Inspiring and hope you can inspire more readers. Thanks and greetings compassion from Gede Prama ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Hello There, Thank you very much from coming from such an authentic place and sharing it with the world. And, thank you for following my page. I am looking forward to seeing more of what you have to share. Peace and blessings, Kim

  8. Keep up the good work!

  9. I’m re-emerging…and I’m glad to see you still working so hard. It matters, all of it. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Welcome back ๐Ÿ™‚ So nice to ‘see’ you!
      That’s what I tell myself… There’s a reason I’m slugging on. Ironically I think it’s to learn to not ‘slug on’ anymore but to continue on with peace and comfort.

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